Raw and Real

A Couples Date or Not?

October 6, 2016
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My husband and I love each other very much, but we have vastly different interests. For the first few years of our marriage, I tried to convince him to do things with me like go to the symphony, or a musical, or a concert, but it just didn’t happen. In 2016 I decided to go by myself or with other people.

We live just outside of Seattle and have a low level hockey arena in our town, this means that often this venue is used to host concerts and other fun events. I have been making a point to look every few months at what is coming. This summer I saw that Casting Crowns was coming to Kent! Casting Crowns is one of my favorite bands. Tickets were $25 a piece! This was a steal of a deal.

I asked my friend if she and her husband would like to go, they responded with an immediate YES! I asked my husband if he wanted to go, with every anticipation that his answer would be a no. He said that he would go and we could make it a double date. I bought the tickets, marked the calendar, and the days tick off.

Two weeks from the concert my husband says, “What is this concert on the 1st of October? I did not agree to go to this.” For several days we go round and round about it, not in an angry sort of way, but in a giggly “I did ask you” kind of way. Two nights before the concert our babysitter has to cancel because of some extenuating circumstances in her life. I get off the phone with her and tell my husband. Before the period to the last sentence has found its place he says, “I will stay home with the boy and you can find someone else to go to the concert!” I am shocked at how quickly this comes out of his face.

He really didn’t want to go and I really did, so I went with it. I went to bed with different people possibilities rolling around in my mind not angry at all at my husband. Saturday morning I got up and watched a few Casting Crown videos on Youtube, praying about who would benefit the most from this extra ticket.

A name came to mind. She and I had recently connected at her house about 10 days ago. I texted her and waited . . . a few minutes later I received the answer, she would love to come! So on Sunday night we headed out as a group of friends instead of two couples on date night.

The concert was amazing I will write about it on Monday, but I learned a very valuable lesson in the midst of all the pre-ness of this, “I can enjoy what I enjoy the most. And my husband can enjoy what he enjoys the most. We don’t have to do everything together.”

Marriage is such an interesting endeavor. It provides many opportunities for you to choose how you are going to respond. Honestly I wanted to choose to be upset and frustrated with my husband. But why? He loves shooting guns and I don’t. He doesn’t expect me to go to the shooting range, I shouldn’t expect him to go to concerts with me. But it was supposed to be a double date! Well actually no it wasn’t. What we think is and what actually is, aren’t always the same thing. Most of the time they aren’t the same thing.

So what about you? What in your life did you think in your life should be a certain way but actually isn’t? Is it working to always be frustrated by it? What is the good that is already happening either in that situation or instead of that situation?

Instead of dragging my husband to something he may or may not have enjoyed, I had the privilege of inviting a new friend that was greatly encouraged by the whole evening, and we had some lovely conversation throughout the evening. The concert went until 11 pm, which I hadn’t realized would be the case. My husband goes to be at 8:30 pm because he has to get up at the 3 am. I was telling me friends that he would have wanted to go home at the 9:30 intermission. The last hour of any concert is the best part! Right? Instead of my husband and I being frustrated with each other, he was home in bed and I was having my soul fed in a way it hadn’t been fed in a really long time.

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