Truthfully & Thoughtfully

Normal or Chaotic – the Tension between the Two

October 3, 2016
suzanne-hillegas-chaos-and-normal-tension

The last few weeks have been hit or miss for me when it comes to writing on this site. I was struggling between two tensions and hadn’t even realized it, until last night.

Nine months ago my family and I decided to switch churches. It was so hard. Because for us, church is community. Some people go to the gym for their community. But we go to church. But suddenly our community was missing. The people were still accessible to us, sort of. I didn’t realize how much thirty three minute conversations add up to friendship and knowing people. But it does. If I wanted to have a proper conversation with someone it had to be planned and organized and not bumped off the calendar. I couldn’t hope to bump into them at church.

Then on Sundays our family would enter into this new place and wait for the slow process of making friends. We started sitting in the same section of church, which has helped. We continued to look for ways to volunteer and get involved. But life takes time. That is one tension. We want things, but it just takes time. Slow simple three-minute-conversation-at-a-time time.

One of the groups I joined at church is called Artist and Design Group. We meet once a month and discuss the importance of art, and how to help with church design and such. These people have become a new type of community for me. I have never been a part of a group like this. I have made sure to be at every single meeting. This group is what has connected me in on the weeks, months that I have felt like a kite out in the wind.

Last night our church hosted it’s first Saturday night service. I was so excited for this. I signed up Tim and I to host the Information table, because I wanted to support Saturday night service. We met as a group in the lobby and prayed. As the circle was breaking up and people were heading off to their different assignments I saw one of my friends from the artist group. His wife was with him and so I headed over and we began chatting.

I explained to them about my clogged up writing recently. I explained how intense the last few months have been and how I just haven’t known how to talk about them, because I was purposing to live them as best I could. Steve, my friend, reminded me but that is where the tension is. Tension is what creates great art. Tension is what creates new words. Tension is what moves us forward. Sometimes the tension can be the wanting of life to be normal and the chaos it actually is.

Let’s hear that again.

Sometimes the tension can be the wanting of life to be normal and the chaos it actually it.

And there it was, right there. There was my tension and the need to keep writing. You all have similar tensions. And that is why we sit together and read. The tensions change but mostly the tension is we want our lives to be “normal” but they feel like chaos.

I sat in church scribbling in my journal. I could write about this, I could write about that. The clog had been unclogged. I knew that making time to type out words is helpful. It’s helpful to me, it’s helpful to you, and it’s helpful to my community.

So as you look at your life. What is the tension for you? What are you always peering into that seems “normal”? What in your life feels chaotic? What is the tension between the two? This is where life is. This is where friends are. Live in the tension.

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